I have been praying over a big decision lately. I feel that either choice will include difficulties. Likewise, both choices seem to point to a bright future, since in all things I will be walking with the Lord. However - I can't say that I am completely neutral. I have a strong preference. Facing this decision has been haunting and taunting me for a few weeks now. For the second time, I tried to dedicate a week to doing more praying and less talking about the issue. My aim was/is to hear God's voice and to really seek His will in faith that He will reveal it to me. I also hoped that during this time He would speak the same thing to my wife so that after a week, when we discuss it, we will hopefully be sharing the same heart.
Here's the hard part - every single time I try to pray very specifically and diligently about the situation, every time I have it on my mind and take it to the Lord, the path ends in a feeling of depression, a knot in the gut and chest, a very heavy heart. I can't understand or imagine why. It seems like when I take things to the Lord, I should be completely settled and at peace about it. I'm sure that this torn feeling comes from the fact that in taking it to the Lord, I'm hoping for a particular outcome. My prayer is something like this "Oh God, please show me YOUR will for this situation, show me what you want us to do!" which is immediately followed by the thought of "oh I hope hope hope His will is option A. If His will is option B - I will be so sad and depressed by taking that path." I want to do God's will, but I also have my own will. I want to be a person who submits his will to the will of God, yet I so struggle with the fact that I desperately desperately want His will to line up with mine. And I know I know I know....my will is supposed to line up with His not vice versa. But I don't know how to get myself to that place. So in the mean time - I feel the knot, a bit depressed at the dilemma, a bit depressed at the possibility of option B, and then even more depressed by acknowledging the fact that I'm not just neutrally seeking His will - perfectly contented to do whatever it is that He wants but am instead hoping for option A. what to do? what to do? I'll continue to pray - though maybe feeling quite under a cloud, having all my smiles only ever comes from something shallow because beneath the surface I'm always torn and my default state is a state of sadness. But now I'm praying not only for God's will, but that my heart will be inclined to follow His will either way and that He will restore joy to my heart.
....sorry about this... it's not something new I learned today is it? it's just me whining....
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
A wee little bit o' information for today...
New thing learned for the day:
Great news! My baby, who is soon to be born, is a BOY! This is was a very great new thing to learn today!
Another thing I learned is that I was very wrong in a discussion with a friend recently. I was under the impression that the U.S. Constitution was very clear about what it means for someone to be a "natural born citizen". Apparently it's not so clear. So, perhaps, someday my son will still be eligible for the Presidency even though he was born in Japan. Because he will be instantly a U.S. citizen on account of being born to two U.S. citizens. He won't be a Japanese citizen, so I believe he would be considered a natural born citizen. I read some very interesting information on Wikipedia. Check out the following links....peruse at your leisure.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_United_States#Eligibility
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_born_citizen_of_the_United_States
If you are reading, friend who I had this discussion with, (and I very much doubt that you are) I now eat my humble pie. Yum yum, delicious!
And as far as my son being president. I wonder if the country can last long enough to wait till he meets the age requirements. More than that - I hope hope hope, desperately hope, that Jesus comes back first. Please!
Thought for the day:
In thinking about the earlier post regarding reaching goals. I today was reminded of 1 Corinthians 6:20 "For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's." Of course one of the key phrases being "which are God's". In setting goals or chasing ambitions it is first of all most important to make sure that we are aligned with what HE wants since we do, after all, belong to Him (if we are Christians that is). What good is it to set goals if upon being reached, they provide only temporal value. It's hard to keep this in mind and really grasp this idea in a meaningful way, but just because it seems like a great accomplishment doesn't mean it is. I gave a speech one time (literally. I only ever gave a speech once) and I have to say it was the most terrifying experience of my life up to that point. But in it I encouraged people not to focus on investing their life simply for the future or worse yet, indulging in the pleasures of the present, but to invest life in eternity, by giving it all to Jesus Christ. For most people who heard it, what I said has probably been long since forgotten. But having to say that to a couple thousand people somehow seared it in my mind. Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (NKJV) Therefore, while I don't retract any of what I said earlier (I don't think), I must say that today God realigned my perspective a little. Not that I shouldn't be focused and determined to reach goals, but that I need to be attuned to HIS will and laying up treasures for heaven when I set my goals.
It's so hard, because it involves surrender, death to self, and doing things I plain old don't want to do. Yet I have to remember that God is loving and has good plans for my life (Jer. 29:11)
I feel there is so much more to think about regarding this subject and the earlier one - yet they are deeper than I and I have a hard time thinking them through. But that's ok - it's just one step at a time, one thought at a time, one day at a time. Perhaps I will soon learn something new that will help to tie these things together in my mind. How do we have ambition and endurance to do good, yet admit that we are weak? How can we attempt to be strong, but in someone elses strength? How can have goals, yet surrender them to someone else? How can I possibly have the strength to die to myself and my desires and live this way day to day without ever caving in and seeking after my own plans and hopes and desires? How can it be possible to aim for making someone else (God) happy, and hope that this will produce in us the most joy - more than seeking our own happiness? Well - I don't pretend to know. But I do want to learn. I like to learn, although it is hard at times.
Praise God for His love toward us, His patience with us, His mercy upon us, and His grace in us. He is so good.
Great news! My baby, who is soon to be born, is a BOY! This is was a very great new thing to learn today!
Another thing I learned is that I was very wrong in a discussion with a friend recently. I was under the impression that the U.S. Constitution was very clear about what it means for someone to be a "natural born citizen". Apparently it's not so clear. So, perhaps, someday my son will still be eligible for the Presidency even though he was born in Japan. Because he will be instantly a U.S. citizen on account of being born to two U.S. citizens. He won't be a Japanese citizen, so I believe he would be considered a natural born citizen. I read some very interesting information on Wikipedia. Check out the following links....peruse at your leisure.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/President_of_the_United_States#Eligibility
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_born_citizen_of_the_United_States
If you are reading, friend who I had this discussion with, (and I very much doubt that you are) I now eat my humble pie. Yum yum, delicious!
And as far as my son being president. I wonder if the country can last long enough to wait till he meets the age requirements. More than that - I hope hope hope, desperately hope, that Jesus comes back first. Please!
Thought for the day:
In thinking about the earlier post regarding reaching goals. I today was reminded of 1 Corinthians 6:20 "For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's." Of course one of the key phrases being "which are God's". In setting goals or chasing ambitions it is first of all most important to make sure that we are aligned with what HE wants since we do, after all, belong to Him (if we are Christians that is). What good is it to set goals if upon being reached, they provide only temporal value. It's hard to keep this in mind and really grasp this idea in a meaningful way, but just because it seems like a great accomplishment doesn't mean it is. I gave a speech one time (literally. I only ever gave a speech once) and I have to say it was the most terrifying experience of my life up to that point. But in it I encouraged people not to focus on investing their life simply for the future or worse yet, indulging in the pleasures of the present, but to invest life in eternity, by giving it all to Jesus Christ. For most people who heard it, what I said has probably been long since forgotten. But having to say that to a couple thousand people somehow seared it in my mind. Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (NKJV) Therefore, while I don't retract any of what I said earlier (I don't think), I must say that today God realigned my perspective a little. Not that I shouldn't be focused and determined to reach goals, but that I need to be attuned to HIS will and laying up treasures for heaven when I set my goals.
It's so hard, because it involves surrender, death to self, and doing things I plain old don't want to do. Yet I have to remember that God is loving and has good plans for my life (Jer. 29:11)
I feel there is so much more to think about regarding this subject and the earlier one - yet they are deeper than I and I have a hard time thinking them through. But that's ok - it's just one step at a time, one thought at a time, one day at a time. Perhaps I will soon learn something new that will help to tie these things together in my mind. How do we have ambition and endurance to do good, yet admit that we are weak? How can we attempt to be strong, but in someone elses strength? How can have goals, yet surrender them to someone else? How can I possibly have the strength to die to myself and my desires and live this way day to day without ever caving in and seeking after my own plans and hopes and desires? How can it be possible to aim for making someone else (God) happy, and hope that this will produce in us the most joy - more than seeking our own happiness? Well - I don't pretend to know. But I do want to learn. I like to learn, although it is hard at times.
Praise God for His love toward us, His patience with us, His mercy upon us, and His grace in us. He is so good.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Making progress....
First things first. Here is one interesting thing I learned today:
When a baby is born, his or her needs are very basic. All they do at first is eat (drink), sleep, poop, and cry. All that the little guy or girl needs is to be close to mommy for food, have something to wear, have a place to sleep, have some diapers to poop in, and have a pacifier (or, again, just be near mommy) to help stop the crying. Pretty basic. Not a lot is needed to meet those basic needs. Yet it is truly astounding the things that are available for sale to the soon to be parents of coming infants. I actually saw a mechanical cradle that will gently rock a baby side to side or back and forth. But it does so on a flat plane, not in the traditional curved rocking sense. This bed cost a fortune and will be outgrown within 4 months. Then there were these high tech car seats that can actually lay completely flat or adjust to sitting position; they can also be rotated to be side rear or front facing. There are devices for heating up bottles and for keeping wipes warm. Anyway - a trip down to Babies R Us opened my eyes to this whole new world of baby luxury. The sad thing is, the parents will never get thanked for it, and the babies will hardly notice the difference in many of these things.
Thought for the day:
This thought is hard to formulate. Let me think (i've written a half a paragraph and deleted it three times). I believe there is a succint yet thorough way to communicate what I'm thinking, but thus far it has eluded me..... perhaps a bullet point style will do.
I don't know if I'm normal, but I have for a long time been plagued with the desire to see great things come out of my life. Depending on where I was in life, "great" meant different things. But in any case - the desire was always for it to be something meaningful. Unfortunately - I have discovered that I feel that I am a man of weaker constitution than I would like to be. [parenthetical note that just popped into my mind: this recognition is undoubtedly a good thing according to 2 Corinthians 12:9. This fact could threaten to derail my entire train of thought, but I will attempt to continue] Because of my weaknesses and sometimes lack of ability to keep focused, I struggle to make progress toward reaching my goals. Some have said that I am too critical of myself. But really - I look at men who have been great, and they have had stamina, focus, and determination to do what's necessary to "get stuff done". I was talking with a friend who has had somewhat similar thoughts (I don't know all about the "greatness" stuff, but he wants to avoid living in a rut), and he had a great plan - which was to make a plan. The main obstacle to achieving the greater goals in life is that they require daily progress. Today, I can either choose to do the same thing I did the day before, or I can realize that the greater goal is reached by decisions made toward it day by day. It's not the greatness of the goal that makes the goal hard to reach, but the fact that it takes grueling day by day discipline and habits. The things that keep us all in ruts are the time wasters. (I hope writing this, or reading it is not one such thing for anyone). It seems like there is no great impact to my life or future if I spend a couple hours surfin the net or flippin the channels, but each time it adds to the time that could have been used. I'm not saying all leisure time is bad - I'm just saying that since I haven't been keeping track of it, I think I've been spending a lot more time on leisure than I would ever plan or like to admit. It's like buying Starbucks three times a week. It's not a bad thing necessarily. It's just that you have to realize the fact that it's almost a $60 commitment. If you weren't planning on setting aside that portion of your budget for Starbucks - the change comes at individual occasions of declining to do it. Each time seems like no big deal... it's only five more bucks. Same with time - it's only one more episode of the show, I'm just tired tonight.
In any case - if we want to reach our goals. Let us be clear with ourselves what they are and recognize what decisions need to be made to reach them. Then live inentionally, every day, with determination and the decision before our eyes to reach those goals. And back to 2 Cor. 12:9, I believe this is the most important part for me to remember. Although I believe I must make the right choices as discussed if I want to reach my goals. More importantly, I must lean upon Christ and draw my strength from Him. I must make His goals mine. I can't do it in my own strength - I just can't. And now that I realize it, I think there may actually be hope for me to reach the goals.
When a baby is born, his or her needs are very basic. All they do at first is eat (drink), sleep, poop, and cry. All that the little guy or girl needs is to be close to mommy for food, have something to wear, have a place to sleep, have some diapers to poop in, and have a pacifier (or, again, just be near mommy) to help stop the crying. Pretty basic. Not a lot is needed to meet those basic needs. Yet it is truly astounding the things that are available for sale to the soon to be parents of coming infants. I actually saw a mechanical cradle that will gently rock a baby side to side or back and forth. But it does so on a flat plane, not in the traditional curved rocking sense. This bed cost a fortune and will be outgrown within 4 months. Then there were these high tech car seats that can actually lay completely flat or adjust to sitting position; they can also be rotated to be side rear or front facing. There are devices for heating up bottles and for keeping wipes warm. Anyway - a trip down to Babies R Us opened my eyes to this whole new world of baby luxury. The sad thing is, the parents will never get thanked for it, and the babies will hardly notice the difference in many of these things.
Thought for the day:
This thought is hard to formulate. Let me think (i've written a half a paragraph and deleted it three times). I believe there is a succint yet thorough way to communicate what I'm thinking, but thus far it has eluded me..... perhaps a bullet point style will do.
I don't know if I'm normal, but I have for a long time been plagued with the desire to see great things come out of my life. Depending on where I was in life, "great" meant different things. But in any case - the desire was always for it to be something meaningful. Unfortunately - I have discovered that I feel that I am a man of weaker constitution than I would like to be. [parenthetical note that just popped into my mind: this recognition is undoubtedly a good thing according to 2 Corinthians 12:9. This fact could threaten to derail my entire train of thought, but I will attempt to continue] Because of my weaknesses and sometimes lack of ability to keep focused, I struggle to make progress toward reaching my goals. Some have said that I am too critical of myself. But really - I look at men who have been great, and they have had stamina, focus, and determination to do what's necessary to "get stuff done". I was talking with a friend who has had somewhat similar thoughts (I don't know all about the "greatness" stuff, but he wants to avoid living in a rut), and he had a great plan - which was to make a plan. The main obstacle to achieving the greater goals in life is that they require daily progress. Today, I can either choose to do the same thing I did the day before, or I can realize that the greater goal is reached by decisions made toward it day by day. It's not the greatness of the goal that makes the goal hard to reach, but the fact that it takes grueling day by day discipline and habits. The things that keep us all in ruts are the time wasters. (I hope writing this, or reading it is not one such thing for anyone). It seems like there is no great impact to my life or future if I spend a couple hours surfin the net or flippin the channels, but each time it adds to the time that could have been used. I'm not saying all leisure time is bad - I'm just saying that since I haven't been keeping track of it, I think I've been spending a lot more time on leisure than I would ever plan or like to admit. It's like buying Starbucks three times a week. It's not a bad thing necessarily. It's just that you have to realize the fact that it's almost a $60 commitment. If you weren't planning on setting aside that portion of your budget for Starbucks - the change comes at individual occasions of declining to do it. Each time seems like no big deal... it's only five more bucks. Same with time - it's only one more episode of the show, I'm just tired tonight.
In any case - if we want to reach our goals. Let us be clear with ourselves what they are and recognize what decisions need to be made to reach them. Then live inentionally, every day, with determination and the decision before our eyes to reach those goals. And back to 2 Cor. 12:9, I believe this is the most important part for me to remember. Although I believe I must make the right choices as discussed if I want to reach my goals. More importantly, I must lean upon Christ and draw my strength from Him. I must make His goals mine. I can't do it in my own strength - I just can't. And now that I realize it, I think there may actually be hope for me to reach the goals.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
And so something begins....but will it continue?
"You learn something new every day" is the old saying. Well, I think there are quite a few interesting things that I learn but because I'm not paying close enough attention or I don't make a specific note of it. I don't even realize I learned something. Or perhaps I do, but then I forget because I didn't make a note of it. Oftentimes - I'll hear something that amazes me, but because I don't write it down, it vanishes. Hence, this blog. This is an experiment. I may or may not prove to be real consistent with this, but I think it will prove to be easier than a narrative blog chronicling life which requires pictures and details and rehashing of a days events. I intend to use this as a place basically for expanded facebook status updates. A place to say and catalogue a little more. Share thoughts, new (to me) knowledge including but not limited to lessons I learn from the Word.
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